Monday, October 23, 2006
I am NOT F*CKING ANGRY !!!
JIM YOELL is unlikely to buy his wife flowers again in a hurry. When he came home with two bunches for her, she got so furious that he had spent £20 on them that she ended up stabbing him in the back with a 13-inch knife.
"She didn't think he should have spent that kind of money on flowers," said Robert LaForge, a prosecutor in Petaluma, California, where Jenny Yoell, 29, pleaded guilty to a charge of battery. She was jailed for two months. The couple are undergoing marriage counselling. David Sapsted, New York
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Dedicated to my very good friend Veronique. Vero may not be a dedicated fan of Harry Potter - or even a mother, but my instinct tells me that she would have confiscated this 'toy' faster than a beaver could eat a courgette!
p.s. Batteries not included.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Another Russian Master-Class
A RUSSIAN professor was in a critical condition last night after he mistakenly drank methanol at his research lab in Oxford. Prof Alexander Zhankov, 44, swallowed the highly toxic liquid believing it to be the pure alcohol substance, ethanol.
The scientist, who has carried out research into drink abuse, was found unconscious near his laboratory, the Centre for Ecology and Hydrology.
It is unclear why the scientist would want to drink ethanol, but in Russia it is said to be sometimes drunk in place of vodka.
Admirable work-ethic, Na Zdarovya Alex !
Thursday, October 19, 2006
My Round !
A drunken roofer who shot himself in the groin after stuffing a sawn-off shotgun down his trousers was jailed for five years yesterday under new firearms legislation.
David Walker, 28, drank 15 pints of lager during an all-day binge before arguing with his best friend over who should buy the next round. He staggered the 200 yards from the pub to his home where he loaded the shotgun, which had its single barrel shortened to 15 inches. Walker pushed it inside his trousers but, as he returned to the pub, it went off.
Sheffield Crown Court was told that his testicles were seriously injured and that he still had pellets embedded in his scrotum four months later. Further tests are needed to assess whether he is still fertile or will be able to have sex.
Walker, from Dinnington, near Rotherham, South Yorks, admitted possessing a prohibited firearm. He denied possessing a firearm with intent to endanger life and intent to cause fear of violence. Those charges were allowed to lie on the file.
Andrew Hatton, prosecuting, said Walker's mother had called an ambulance after she found him bleeding in their kitchen from the gunshot wound. Asked by police what his intentions had been, Walker replied: "I would probably have come to my senses. I don't know what I was thinking at the time. I had a lot to drink."
Under new regulations contained in the Criminal Justice Act 2003 and incorporated into the 1968 Firearms Act, there is a minimum sentence of five years for anyone who is convicted of possessing a prohibited firearm. Walker committed his offence six weeks after the legislation became active.
5 years porridge for blowing your own balls off..? Should have waited for Utube & Google ...
Monday, October 16, 2006
Flight attendants behaving VERY badly
ISTANBUL, Turkey (AP) --
An unruly passenger died aboard a Malev Hungarian airliner on Saturday after being strapped to his seat and injected with tranquilizers.
The passenger, identified by Turkey's Anatolia news agency as Finnish national Mikaeinar Peterson, was dead by the time the jet made an emergency landing in Istanbul. Anatolia and Hungary's MTI news agency said the man started harassing others aboard a flight from Bangkok to Budapest. He allegedly punched a pilot and tried to choke an attendant.
The crew and passengers tied him to his seat and a doctor aboard gave him an injection. An autopsy done later in the day showed he died because of the mixture of the tranquilizer and some other drug or alcohol. Witnesses saw the man take a pill before he became violent and authorities suspected he was drunk, Anatolia said.
Police detained two pilots, four attendants and five passengers along with the doctor and his father. A new crew from Hungary flew the jet to Budapest with its remaining 183 passengers.
Malev, one more reason to travel. (yes - the official slogan!)
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Flight attendants behaving badly
Two male Aeroflot crew members on a domestic flight from Moscow beat up a passenger who had complained that the flight attendants were drunk, the airline admitted yesterday.
The attendants were so intoxicated that they "behaved improperly" and the passenger asked to be served by someone sober. He was left with a black eye, Izvestia reported.
Things are different in Russia, but you have to admire the chivalry.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Friday 13th - a short story
A 67-year-old Romanian in a village near Galati mistook his penis for a chicken's neck in the dark, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said yesterday.
Excruciatingly tragic. The upside is that it happened at 67 and not 18. The downside, Margaret Thatcher didn't get the opportunity to make the same mistake...
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Belgian civil servants do it lying down
BRUSSELS - Nuclear radiation watchdog Telerad has been inoperable for around five years, according to an audit of the Federal Nuclear Control Agency. The report states that the service which is supposed to detect dangerous levels of radiation was affected by the millennium bug and has not functioned correctly ever since. Telerad cost 25 million euros to set up and was only active for about two years before the bug hit. An inspector from the Agency who tried to alert his director about the problems for three years was given the sack; since then, the director and his assistant have been fired for incompetence. Both have political connections with the French-speaking Socialist party and Flemish Liberal party, respectively. Flemish Socialist MP Philippe De Coene described the report as "damning" to a federal agency.
Interior Minister Patrick Dewael said that while he acknowledges the fact that Telerad is not working optimally, radiation levels have been recorded and there is no risk to public safety.
Only possible in the 'capital' of Europe - Any VCs out there looking to buy a disfunctional country..?
Saturday, October 07, 2006
CatShitCoffee - hard to swallow
Scientists have discovered what gives the world's rarest and most expensive coffee its unique smooth flavour.
Kopi luwak is made from beans that have been eaten and excreted by civets, cat-like creatures that feed on ripe coffee berries in Indonesia. Selling at about £230 a pound, it is highly sought after for its earthy, syrupy flavour.
Massimo Marcone, a food scientist at the University of Guelph, Ontario, reports in New Scientist that the animal's digestive enzymes break down protein inside the beans.
It is protein that gives beans their bitter taste and the enzymes help to give the beans a mellow flavour.
Jesus - try knowingly drinking this stuff with a hangover
Friday, October 06, 2006
A BRIDE spent her wedding night in a cell after attacking six policemen who were called to her reception when she became violent after drinking several Babychams, a court was told yesterday.
Michelle Darcier-Thompson, 28, is alleged to have sworn, thrown punches, kicked an officer in the groin and gone "crazy" as police tried to stop a brawl among guests. She was said to have knocked one officer down a flight of stairs, had her silk wedding dress ripped and a drink thrown over it as tables and glasses went flying in the St Valentine's Day brawl.
Eventually she was carried out to a van by four policemen and allegedly carried on the assaults, Sheffield magistrates were told.
Darcier-Thompson, of Whetstone, north-west London, was also said to have been "confrontational" at the police station and given a false name. She denies assaulting six policemen and being drunk and disorderly at the wedding reception at The Office pub in Upperthorpe, Sheffield. Police were called by Lesley Deehan, the landlady, after the bride allegedly started throwing glasses only hours after her marriage to Mark Thompson, a Scots Guardsman. Ian Gilmore, prosecuting, said: "She was not in a mood to calm down. She was shouting, swearing and acting in an aggressive manner." He said Darcier-Thompson slapped or punched three
police constables, kicked two others, one in the groin, and then lunged at a sixth, swinging punches at him.
She appeared in court under the name of Michelle Darcier and was not wearing a wedding ring. Mrs Deehan told the court she had served the bride with several Babychams before fighting began at 11pm after the groom's stepfather and bride's father began arguing. She said: "The stepfather went to headbutt the father but missed and fell against the bar. Later I saw the bride walk into the pub from outside. She walked up to a policeman and struck him."
The hearing continues."
Classy bird that...
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
God help America
A BELGIAN beer labelled with a picture of Manneken Pis, the Brussels statue of a boy urinating, has been banned in Ohio.
A spokesman for the Ohio Department of Commerce, said drink labels with "immodest, vulgar or sensuous images" are banned by the state. A label also cannot show children or their likeness. He said: "We would rather err on the side of caution than to put something out that would be considered offensive."
Err on the side of idiocy surely...!?
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Italian Dentists ...?
More than half of Italian dentists are impostors, sometimes plumbers or traffic wardens, according to Italy's dental association.
It says there are 45,000 bogus dentists, compared to 40,000 qualified professionals, and money is likely to be the reason. Dentists are among Italy's highest earners.
Monday, October 02, 2006
BIG night out
Much of Albania's capital, Tirana, remained under water last night despite the army's success in closing the doors of a dam opened by a drunken worker. Two engineers, a city official and a guard were arrested.
Drowning his sorrows maybe ...?