Saturday, November 25, 2006

Swinging Safari

Daily TelegraphUnknown
Church fury over plan for sex safari

A SOUTH African rancher has enraged local community leaders by planning to stage a motorcycle rally in which bikers will be invited to hunt down prostitutes with paintball guns.

The "sex safari" is the idea of Johan Maree, 49, who has invited 5,000 bikers for a long weekend of "enlightened fun" on his 3,000-acre game farm near the town of Ellisras, Northern Province.
Bikers will pay 300 rand (£30) for three colour-coded pellets of paint which they can use to "hunt the whores" - prostitutes hired to run through the bush amid herds of impala, kudu and zebra.

A "handful" of male prostitutes will also take part for the amusement of female bikers. The human "game" will be paid about £20 per hour each, irrespective of whether they are "caught" - splattered with paint.

Mr Maree dismissed critics of his plan as "people living in an outdated hypocritical age". Revellers would enjoy an "unusual weekend in the wild". What happened between hunters and hunted would be "entirely up to consenting, fun-loving adults".

But the Rev Theo van Blerk, head of the local Dutch Reformed Church, called the idea "disgusting and shameful". He and other church and community leaders were holding an emergency meeting to try to halt the event. "This is an open attack on the traditional Christian lifestyle we still cherish in this area," said Mr van Blerk.
"This is a God-fearing town and we are determined to keep it that way."

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals complained that wildlife on Mr Maree's land would be "traumatised by the bedlam".

But 19-year-old Lindy, one of the sex workers who has volunteered to take part, said: "The fee is low, but it's an adventure and at least I should lose a bit of weight."

Now you don't see this kind of entrepreneurial flair in Europe.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Heavy petting

Daily TelegraphAsk Chris Munnion
Relief for zebras as randy rhinoceros finds a mate.

A LIBIDINOUS but confused rhinoceros which killed three zebras in its urge to mate has finally found a partner of the same species, officials at Marloth Park nature reserve in eastern South Africa announced yesterday.

The orphan rhino, named Frikkie, had initially been lonely and frustrated, said Andre Lubbe, town clerk of the village that looks after the park, adjoining the Kruger game reserve. Mr Lubbe said: "He had an identity problem and attempted to mount the female zebras in the reserve, killing three of them by jumping on their backs, breaking their hind legs and crushing them to death."

The park acquired a female rhino, Frieda, but it took Frikkie some time before he showed any interest. "This week the rangers were delighted to spot the couple busy together near a waterhole," Mr Lubbe said. "Frikkie eventually collapsed
from exhaustion and has been resting in the water, but he has obviously discovered his proper role. He has not looked at another zebra."

Yet another reason to bin those old safari pants you've been hanging onto...

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Worst hangover ever ?

Daily Telegraph03/01/2001
Thieves drank HIV blood

TWO thieves drank containers of HIV-infected blood after mistaking it for yoghurt. The drunken pair, one of them only 16 years old, found the samples in a car they stole at Porto Velho airport in Rio de Janeiro.
The thieves were stopped at a police barricade as they tried to leave the area and when told what they had done, immediately asked for medicine to induce vomiting. The infected blood had been left in the car by a biochemist who had packed the samples in a styrofoam cooler in order to send them by aircraft to a laboratory in Belo Horizonte.

Words fail me - fucking idiots

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Northern Lights, aka Bumfire Night
Backside firework prank backfires

A man suffered internal burns when he tried to launch a rocket from his bottom on Bonfire Night.
Paramedics found the 22-year-old bleeding, with a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket lodged inside him, when they attended the scene in Sunderland.
He suffered a scorched colon and is now recovering in hospital, where his condition is described as stable.
A spokesman for the North East Ambulance Service (NEAS) said the prank could have been fatal.
Douglas McDougal, from the NEAS, said: "We received a call stating there was a male who had a firework in his bottom and it was bleeding.
"He sustained fairly significant injuries in the fact that there's huge damage to that particular area."
Mr McDougal added: "Potentially it could have been a fatal incident.
"There's a lot of major blood vessels round that area, so infection would probably be a huge problem for him.
"And also the body naturally produces methane gas, so combine that with the firework and the exploding effect with methane's flammability - it certainly could have been a lot worse than it really was."
A spokesman for the Firework Association described the bizarre prank as "beyond belief". He said: "We have spent a long time working with the government to create laws that make fireworks safer and better for the public.
"This incident is very concerning but hopefully an isolated one."
Northumbria Police said they were aware of the incident, which happened in the Dame Dorothy Street area of Monkwearmouth, but are understood not to be carrying out further inquiries.

A legend in, of, and now without his own arsehole. Reminds me of that hamster... now what was his name again ???

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Germans castrate Mannequin Pis

Daily Telegraph19/05/2004
I'll piss any way I chooseMen given standing orders

A German inventor who developed a device that berates men if they try to use the lavatory standing up has sold more than 1.6 million of them, his business manager said yesterday.

If the lavatory seat is lifted the gadget, placed under the rim, declares in a woman's voice: "What are you up to? Put the seat back down right away. You are definitely not to pee standing up. You will make a mess." Its makers are in negotiations to sell it in Britain.

Hope this thing is water & shock-proof !

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